Are you looking through outside eyes?
A friend of mine was organizing an event for the first time. I decided to go, thinking about him and for myself. After having fun for 1-2 hours at first, it turned into sitting idle.
I had wasted many hours trying to save him, just out of shame. I acted like his parents. I stayed there for many hours to help him.
Let’s also take into account the possibility that if I go, I may look bad from the outside. I’m not arguing that this is bad. It was nice to do something for my friend, but I could only help so much.
I think this would be good for both me and him. It was a good lesson for me.
Another memory was me picking up strangers who were hitchhiking. I skipped the place I wanted to go on the road and continued to go to the place ahead for them.
I did this just for them. Why did I really do it? Thinking too much about them, and building a good relationship, I ignored myself. It was as if I acted like their parent.
This kind of behavior only harms us in the end. Adjusting the dose is the most important thing.
The Self Outside
We call the problem here the fear of damaging the identity you have created for the outside world and losing your adjective of goodness. With this identity you have created, you give of yourself and run to them in order to look good on the outside.
Because until now their opinion was more important than your own authentic self.
Not expressing one’s own opinions may sometimes stem from fear of being judged.
Creating an ideal self outside and moving towards that self is nothing but self-restraint. Striving for people’s acceptance and approval of this character comes later.
No matter how hard you try to become something, you are not that thing.
Trying to be so good to the outside is nothing more than trying to look good on yourself.
Getting outside approval, keeping those people around us, and doing anything against their will can feel like the end of the world.
People who truly love you love you even if you don’t try to be that good.
This is not about not thinking about them or acting with bad intentions, but rather showing yourself in a unique way.
Feel Unique
Where we benefit here is by keeping our environment under control and preventing the fear of change.
You feel in this position because you avoid showing yourself and seek approval or fear of being judged.
Most people experience this. He tries to control his surroundings by doting on them.
Losing control scares you. This sense of control gives you pleasure and drains your energy.
You would create your environment with this self and then try to control it. Most of the energy has gone to controlling the outside without even realizing it.
Your effort to control the ideas and thoughts of those around you feeds the self you create outside.
We can say that this creates a huge gap inside and dependence on the outside. In order to heal this situation, it will be good for us to direct the energy from outside to inside and focus on our own desires.
Let go of all that and be yourself. Being too nice to someone also means displaying fake behavior.
Play your angel of goodness and take off the mask you put on your face. In this way, you prevent the harm you cause to yourself in the first place and then to those around you.
You, your environment, and other people can transform with life. Trying to control these with your energy will only drain you.
Realizing that control only works within yourself liberates you. It is good for us to look from outside to inside.
An ideal self is within us. It may change or transform at any moment. Even though it may be difficult at first, accepting that change will make you feel like you are.
This is how you start to feel better and unique. You begin to live the definition of originality and simply filter other people’s opinions.
Nobody thinks about anyone else’s life all the time. Do something for yourself.
As you start to act original, some of your ideas may not agree with those around you. This is where originality speaks.
At a certain level, we gradually get rid of appearing very good on the outside and start our own true selves.
The subject will be better understood with an example. Imagine a pendulum clock, when it is on the far left, think of someone who is evil-hearted and selfish, and when it is on the far right, think of someone who has a good heart and only cares about others.
The two ends of the pendulum are no different from each other. While thinking distances us from humanity in one case, it distances us from ourselves in the other. The result is the same for both.
Being praised or criticized both amounts to the same thing. It takes you to watch the words of the outside.
When they are taken only to return and move forward, then one moves forward on his own path.
Taste of Self
Getting rid of people’s opinions and ideas even a little bit will give you a taste of originality. It is important to avoid seeing this as rebelling and to avoid seeing yourself as a bad person.
Defending your own ideas and opinions and acting accordingly, protect yourself from other people dragging you into your old self when you make a decision.
It is only beneficial to benefit from their knowledge and experience.
The moments when you feel unique will increase. In this way, you will feel better and you will easily grow the seeds of love within you.
Love and authenticity are the most beautiful paths to walk.
In summary
Chasing outside opinions and appreciation, and being affected by their criticism and judgments, stems from your being a good example and controlling the outside world.
An unhealthy ego crushes the inner self. You are caught up in the fear of the situation around you changing.
In this case, it causes fake and inauthentic behavior.
It would be to our benefit to increase our originality behaviors and gradually restrain this extreme ego that looks good from the outside.
Loving ourselves more and walking an original path comes with declaring independence from outside ideas and opinions.
With this declaration of independence, our closeness to our true self increases. Of course, the ego we have created outside may not like this situation.
Rest assured, acting as yourself and not compromising your perfection will be good for you on this path.
Know that whatever someone says to you is expressing what is inside them.